Fathers Day

Today is Fathers Day. It is a day which has been established to that the dads not the dudes. The real fathers, real men as Tom Joyner would say. I am proud to be a father and my day was filled with best wishes from both of my sons, who live out of town, and my three daughters. There are no step children in my family.  I consider all of the children I have had, or raised as mine, along with their children.

Of course the first person I called, and sent a card to, was my mother. Since she had the task of being both a mother and father to me and my brothers, she deserves to be respected on both occasions. While she could not supply all the information or support of a father, she was the one that built my character. And character is what makes you who you are, no matter what your circumstance.

As a  father I was not always there for all my children, but I believe they all know that I did my best for them. I wasn't easy on them or tried to be their friend. I loved them and I wanted them to know they had to work to succeed. I would tell them that my job was to work to feed them, cloth them, and have a place for them to stay. Their job was to go to school to learn, graduate, and move out, to face the world on their own. I tried not to transfer my fears on to them, but allow them to have their own self worth and confidence. 

To be a good father you have to be consistent. You have to work with your children and lead by example. Many kids what to have things without effort, and that does not work. You have to provide discipline, but always have their backs when they can't do it alone. Like Christians need God, you never want to go into a fight without the father. 

In's and Outs

One of the differences I have with  my wife is that she is an extrovert with introvert tendencies while I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. We were made for each other. It amazes me that she can say whatever comes to her mind. For example, she has no reluctance to give the server at a restaurant her "full"opinion when asked the question "How is everything?" She'll let the cashier in the checkout lane know that she is tired, because she just came back from vacation, and could she bag everything just the way she wants it for easy unloading at home. The most obvious thing though is her ability to talk to other drivers, who invariably cannot hear her.

I'm looking at this with awe as I have these inner conversations with myself continuously throughout the day. I am, if nothing else, a reflective person who discusses these issues with myself versus others. I don't wish to provide information on myself or my activities unless I chose to be in a conversation with someone who I think needs to know. I am like the proverbial comic book character with the cloud coming out of their head with what they are thinking inside.

This difference can sometimes be frustrating, particularly when both of us are at our extremes. Fortunately we have learned to understand how to coexist and support each other. I have learned when not to speak and when she is looking for support from me, and she has learned that my silence does not always mean agreement of disapproval. When we are in sync though, it is a lovely thing.