Exhausted

 I think that it must be exhausting to be my wife who I love dearly. I believe this because of the stress involved with living through a pandemic, being a type "A" personality person, having moved away from her family and no longer having a regular job. After over twenty years of being married to me has also not been helpful. It it has taken me a considerable amount of effort just to start putting these thought in writing.

During this year we have been forced to social distance and spend almost twenty four hours together. With just one vehicle I have become the designated driver. This has become an exhaustive task for me, not because of the physical idea of driving, but the constant narrative that I hear during any trips anywhere. These include driving instructions, including pointing out the obvious like the light is green, there is a pothole, watch the curb, look out for that car ahead, they are driving angry, they are doing something other than driving, don't stay in this lane, and the list goes on. As I have gotten older I would like to think that I have grown my patience level and try not to take it the comments personally. One of the greatest mechanism that I have developed is not to respond to every thing that is said to me. 

I gone to calling my wife (at least in my mind, never out loud) captain obvious. We can both be looking at the same thing or I may have just made a comment, and my wife will feel the need to tell me about it or say it back to me as if it is something new. As we watch television shows and things happen there is a need to let me know what just happened or why it happened even as we both watch it together. I believe a portion of all these things is her need to try and take care of me. Since I'm more of an introverted and reflective person she has to keep the conversation going and our "team" dynamic communications.

The other reason is that she has a somewhat messiah complex. She believes that she has to say or do things in order for them to get done. If she does clean up, it won't get done properly. I virtually feel banned from kitchen seeing that I can't load the dishwasher properly, cook anything, move things where they aren't supposed to be in the pantry or refrigerator. Commentary of my need to do things properly even as small as putting the trash bag in the waste basket come daily. Handling her family activities with our grown children, grandkids, and mother are a must which she relishes.

She also has super intuition. She basically has a background story for everything and some very strong racists opinions. You could call them mini conspiracy theories. Reasons why people are walking on the wrong side of the path at the park, why someone has some old furniture outside their house, why the grass isn't cut, or fence being painted, why that car is over the line, or anything that draws her attention. I find that some things just are not important enough for comment since they have no impact on me. Also the most reasonable explanation for most things are the simplest versus the more elaborate. She can even tell what the animals are thinking from dogs, to squirrels, to insects. 

While all this is going on during stressful times, with the pandemic and the Trump presidency, I wonder will there be post pandemic stress disorder to look forward to. It would be nice to go out to restaurants, museums, shopping and have family visitors again. The ability to see the world and what we have in terms of blessings as opposed to what we don't have is something I am striving for everyday. I have so much to be thankful for, including a loving wife who's heart is always in the right place.