After downsizing and moving to Florida last year I started a new phase of life. Me and my bride of over 20 years were on our own, in a condo without any family around. It was just the two of us striking out without jobs and minimal responsibilities. No big house to clean, yard to cut, one car (paid off) and a reasonable income to enjoy ourselves. The grown children visited from both sides of our mixed family and some even brought the grandkids with them. We were able to pick up and go to our sons wedding in California and even take a staycation down to the Florida Keyes. Life was pretty good. Then the pandemic hit and everything changed.
Now we were on lockdown with limited movements from time to time. My wife, who already was a germaphobe became extremely vigilant against the virus in every way possible. One of the things I quickly learned was that being together with someone, even someone you love, 24/7 has its pitfalls. You really learn alot about your spouse during times like these. I've learned that the triggers for my wife belching sessions are coffee and wine. Therefore, I have to be ready for them and be patient enough to let them happen, and know it is not her fault, or that she is just rude. I'm sure I have things that my wife is tolerating about me, and I have to be aware of them.
My wife has become a kitchen Nazi. That is her domain and I know it. It is disheartening that when I try to help or do things for myself I am told to "stop, leave that alone, get this and move, you put those things in the wrong place, etc." But I know that she is in control here, and only trying to do things her way. She feels her job is to keep us eating healthy meals and the kitchen clean. The same kind of things go for the bathrooms and the bedroom. I have been relegated to the dinning and leaving room areas, which is ok with me since I get to control the 75" TV (great for watching sports).
My wife is a type A personality and sometimes I feel that it must be terribly difficult for her during these times. She has to be involved in everything and to some extent has a Messiah complex. When we go to the park to walk, which has become a regular and great benefit for us to get outdoors, she is constantly aware of everyone's activities. For example, the people coming towards us are on the wrong side of the path, the park workers haven't cut the grass yet, people are feeding the squirrels which she believes have made them all aggressive, any person with a fishing pole down at the waters edge is feeding the alligators, that couple talking must be having an argument, is that person's dog on a lease, why is that sofa outside that house by the curb, and the list goes on. Me, I just want to be outside and sing the music that's in my earphones in my head.
Driving is a completely different experience these days. I love spending time with my wife but traveling in the car to a constant narrative on the other drivers shortcomings, my driving choices, and her fears of trucks, curves, and potholes can become a little disturbing. Also, she is one of the worst navigators I have ever seen, even with the GPS. It is almost funny at times. But, with that being said I can understand why she prefers not to drive in our new home city and surroundings. We had previously agreed that I would drive during the day, and she would drive at night, since my night vision was getting bad. However, with the pandemic we just don't have places or the need to be out after dark. Hence, most of the driving falls on me, unless I just want a break, and ask her to take the wheel.
Hopefully the pandemic will eventually be controlled and some semblance of normalcy will return, I know we all miss having contact with our families, I know it is extremely hard on my wife missing her mother, daughters, and grandkids. She was always the one everyone went to and she feels obligated to help, even when she can't be there in person. It is part of her purpose in life, even when she gets herself overwhelmed. She keeps adding things to her plate, and it is my job to help her balance things out. That's what I am good at, and I think helps make our marriage work. Her latest project is to invest in some real estate, in the hopes of "building wealth." Since my years left are probably fewer that hers, and she wants to use our retirement funds for this, I'm all in if it makes her happy. I just will need to be able to say no to things that I feel are very risky or can't be done.
The grandkids call my wife "extra". Everything she does is to the extreme or extra. Many things are always framed in a paranoid or conspiratorial manner. Spending all this exclusive time with her that she is envious of many things. She has aspirations for houses, cars, clothing, that match those of the rich and famous. There is a difference between wanting to have nice things and obsessing over them. believe while she says she doesn't care about what others think, she really does, and has a strong desire to be recognized. That helps us match up because I want her to have nice things, within reason, and constantly strive to try and recognize her for what she has accomplished and who she is. I probably don't do it enough, but I hope she knows this fact.
Anyway, love is grand in 2020 and God has blessed us with good health so far, and many other blessings.
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