To Be or Not To Be

 Several years ago, prior to the pandemic I read a book entitled "How to be an Antiracist" by Ibram X Kendi. This had a profound effect on me in understanding that one needs to be more than someone who is not a racist, but someone who actually tries to live and act without the bias of racism in their everyday life. Since then, I have tried to live my life without falling back on racial stereotypes against both people of color as well as whites.  I have found that doing so has made my life much more peaceful and less stressful. Based on my teachings from church, I have also learned that not letting go of the past and spending my emotional time with conspiracy theories about others only hurts me. While you are thinking about someone else's wrongs or blessing, they are spending no time think about or stressing out about you. 

My wife, who is a wonderful woman spends a great deal of time trying to figure out why black or white people do things and almost always takes things as a personal attack on her character, intelligence, or race. While I believe that women in general are much more perceptive than men, forming these types of conspiracy theories only seem to stress her out and in a constant state of anger. She is a racist by definition both against whites and blacks. The major assaults are against white women in particular. 

This difference in perspective sometimes spills over into our daily lives as she accuses me of always providing another alternative supporting that she is wrong about her intuitions. These are the majority of our disagreements. If a glass comes out dirty at a restaurant or the food is cold, it was done on purposes, or brought to her specifically because she is black. While I would be stupid to think that black people have been treated differently and poorly in restaurant situations, this cannot be the constant go to response. In most cases we point out the issue and get it resolved amicably.

Can you be a black racist? Of course. Stereotypes are pointed out about the way African Americans act and portray themselves. Whenever there is a shooting, theft or domestic violence stated on the news, my wife immediately sees a black person in her mind and verbalizes it. Certain types of dress or talk automatically produce a statement of being a criminal or other racial stigmas. I call it not being for real when you can talk to someone like a friend and then behind closed doors talk about them in a negative way.

I have broken my life into the four seasons, and right now I am in the fall of my years. Life has gotten easier for me as I realize that I have the choice to be or not to be. I try to handle those things that directly affect me and my family, without letting things or people who really have no impact on my life stress me out or use up my emotional capital. I believe that people (at least the ones I have contact with) are good until they give me a real reason, that I can prove, that they aren't. And that includes all races, cultures, sexual orientation or political beliefs.