Simplicity

At church this Sunday my pastor, Rev. Cosby, gave a sermon on "The Power of Simplicity".He said that "simplicity is the art of boiling things down to the essence. Finding out what is important and eliminating and downsizing everything else.  Christianity is simple.. Love God and love other people. 

Thinking about what goes on around me illustrates both concepts all the time. I remember always telling my daughters that life is tough and then we make it tougher. They thought I was just being hard on them, but now they know that it is each of us that make our lives more complex.

For example, when you ask most men about buying underwear, they normally will think of two issues...boxers or briefs? Women on the other hand may have a whole list of things to consider, which i won't elaborate on. I asked my wife for a simple dinner, maybe hot dogs and baked beans. This became pretty complicated for her, as she had to decide on what kind of hot dogs ( I ended up with a spicy chicken frank) , what kind of beans would be different from just plain old baked beans and still do the job ( I don't know what they were ), and should we have some type of green salad, potato salad, or cole slaw to go with it. And don't forget to make the ice tea.

Many people just get too involved. If I'm thirsty I'll ask for a glass of water. I don't need to discuss whether we need a new refrigerator with water & ice on the door, or a filtration system for the tap, or all the chemicals that are in the water these days.

While I come from humble beginnings and consider myself a simple man I don't consider myself a shallow individual. There is some depth here and I believe I can hold a reasonable discussion with most people. However, I am not really interested in a lot of the unimportant (at least as it pertains to me) stuff that is going on with others. Just give me the essence and not the soap opera version. The best way to keep your life simple is to simply stay out of other peoples drama.

The Telephone Booth

When I was growing up there was an inherent role of privacy that most people observed. If a person was on the phone they would normally talk in an isolated area to maintain a sense of privacy and also not to disturb others. Even public phones were enclosed in booths (remember Superman doing his changes?). Inside of buildings and outside on the street making a phone call was a private experience. After all you didn't want everyone hearing your conversation.Even at home people understood that people should be allowed to talk on the phone without all ears listening. 

However, we have evolved and now there are no phone booths, no public phones, and even home phones are becoming obsolete. Now there is nowhere I can go to escape being exposed to other conversations. The cell phone has now become the way to be connected, anywhere, anytime, and almost anyplace. I have been exposed to personal conversations in airports, stores, at work, even in public restrooms. Most people who have a cell phone will talk on it anywhere and not really care who hears them. Whether its business or personal in many cases doesn't make a difference. Most of these people also have to talk loud to ensure that the people on the other end can hear them.Those that do care will at least text instead. I guess my need for my private space is not as important as any of these calls and I could ask them to take it somewhere else... but there aren't any private booths available.

Fathers Day

Last weekend was Fathers Day. Unlike the monumental occasion of Mothers Day, this holiday usually comes and goes like a thief in the night. There aren't many Fathers Day Sales, the mailman is not over burdened with cards, and you can still get reservations at some of the best restaurants. I like Fathers Day, as well as having been a father. I'm proud to say that all my children called me to wish me a happy Fathers Day. I received cards from two, and my youngest even took me out to breakfast. As a father I am proud to have fulled my duties, which were to keep the boys off the pipe, and the girls off the pole. I think I set a fairly good example for them, particularly in the area of being there for others, nothing comes without work,  and that money is a lousy way of keeping score with people. I love them all and hope that even after what we have all been through together, they love me. After all someday they may be rich, or famous, are on TV and say "Hi Mom." 

Dinner Request

On some occasions, like my birthday or fathers day, my lovely wife will make a special meal for me. She normally ask me " what would you like for dinner?". This is a trick question though. She knows that I normally will want things I had growing up and are no longer good for me. Things like fried chicken, rice and gravy, pork chops, etc. So when I answered this week with liver and onions, I was only being half frustrating. Yes I did ask for the white rice, which we had to go to the store to buy, but since it was my day I got my wish.

 Where I messed up was when I was asked what vegetables I wanted. I didn't have a clue, and really all I  wanted was the liver and onions, with rice and gravy. I tried to be humorous and said onions, which didn't go over well. I saw the frustration cloud appear over my wife's face and knew that she was really annoyed with the fact that she was trying to keep me alive and do something nice at the same time, and I just wasn't cooperating. She ended up picking up some greens ( with a name I had never heard of ) and some yellow and green squash. Mission complete and after a trip to Macy's she was back into a loving mood and dinner was excellent.

The Guessing Game

Being a simple man and I believe a pretty good communicator, it never ceases to amaze me the guessing game that women play with men. All men have heard those fateful words..."guess who I saw today?" or "guess what happened to me today?". As a man I really don't want to guess. I doubt very seriously if I can get it right on the first try, and I usually don't. The second thought that comes to mind is whether are not this is going to be a bad or a good thing for me. Even though I know I haven't done anything wrong ( at least today) that I can think of, that doesn't mean that this will not end up badly for me.

Wouldn't it be nice to just tell us who you saw or what happened, and let us pick up from there? Men, who will sometimes answer with their gut instincts, are not very good at guessing games. Then there is the age old favorite, when you as you significant other "what's wrong?" and the response come back "can't you guess?". This really means "don't you know me well enough to know?". In most cases I really do, but I  dare not say it. In the meantime I will continue to work on my mind reading skills. Once I have exhausted my guesses I will admit my inability and prepare myself to be schooled.

Mistaken Identity

Have you ever heard the phase "you look just like _________" I seem to be hearing it more and more these days because I have a striking resemblance to the police chief here in Louisville, Chief White. Today I was filling up my tank a gentleman and his wife stared at me and said "Chief?" I answered with what has become my normal response.."No, I just look like him". They in turn responded with the typical response ... "I guess you get asked that alot?

What is curious is that I have been living in the city twice as long as Chief White, who was hired in after a national search. So in reality people should be asking the Chief if he is me. I cannot confirm that this is not happening , but I find it very unlikely. As with most people who look like celebrities, no matter who is older, have a better build, or brighter smile, it is always the person  with the press who "you" look like and not vice versa.

Now, looking like the police chief could have its advantages. However, I haven't been able  to use them as yet. From the Chief's perspective this could have some downside. On several occasions my wife and I have been out to dinner or a movie and found people staring. Could it be that they thought I was the Chief? If so, what kind of thought where going through their mind if they know what his wife looks like, or actually asked the Chief what he was doing on a certain day and the stories don't match. Mistaken identity can have a strange consequences.

Last summer the Chief and I were paired together in a Bid Wist tournament that we won. Everyone swore that we were related and had some signals from playing together for years. This was completely false as it was the first time I had ever played cards with the Chief. I have also been asked "do you know you look like Steve Harvey?" This has been coming from white people more than blacks, and more so after Steve was on Dr. Phil and started hosting Family Feud.

Anyway, I always wondered what kind of advantages I would have had if people said.."you look just like Denzel Washington". Not the Denzel from St. Elsewhere but the  Denzel of Training Day.  King Kong ain't got nothing on me!!!!!!!!

Context

Communication is critical for successful relationships. One of the most important parts of  communication that you don't hear alot about is context. The context in which things are seen or said are critical and I have seen many an argument and even relationships destroyed because of things taken out of context. A harmless hug, look, greeting or phone call when taken out of context can take on a life of its own. Always check for the context in which things are said before leaping to conclusions. Try to get a handle of what kind of day a person may be having and also what kind of day you are having.