Install in Four Easy Steps- Right

 I have been a home owner most of my adult life and the DIY Network is like the Disney Channel to me. I have done my share of painting, kitchen, and bathroom jobs over the last thirty five years and I can proudly say that none of them were ever as easy as any of the shows or commercials on TV.The only show that I can truly believe is When Renovations Go Bad. Doing jobs around the house for me is like putting toys together at Christmas time. Sometimes it works, but most of the time there is always either a part missing or it doesn't fit. 

This weekend the task at hand was to repair the dripping faucet at my wife's sink in our master bathroom

Keep in mind that have been avoiding this job for almost a year and for good reason. First  I remembered how long it took me put these faucets in several years ago. However, after doing everything I could to control the drip (including putting an aspirin bottle under the handle to keep it tight) my wife could take no more. Plus she had seen them on sale at Home Depot.

So off we went. Upon making it to Home Depot there was the usual delay caused by trying to pick out the proper faucet. The one on sale was definitely not the quality desired. It also needed to be an American Standard brand since one of the shows she had watched said that it was a good brand and parts were easy to find. I just wanted to  get out of there with something easy to install and didn't cost over $100. We settled on the single control American Standard faucet with speed control drain (some new device, but it had fewer parts) for $75. The box said easy to install in fifteen minutes and four easy steps.

Home we went. I got out all the necessary tools, read the instructions and went to work. Since we have an older home the first thing I noticed was that my plumbing did not look like the plumbing in the diagram. I'm sure this has happened to all of us. My wife was kind enough to pull up a demonstration of an install on her phone to walk me through it step by step. The only problem was that she was watching and listening while I was under the sink trying to unscrew mounting nuts that were either old or were just to tight. The instructions didn't note that I had to replace the old copper supply lines or  that the old drain pipe would not fit.

All this time my wife was feeling quite sorry for me and would ask from time to time if there was anything she could do to help. Of course since there was only room for one of us under the sink this was very practical. At one point she even said, let's stop and finish tomorrow. But my male ego kicked in and I continued with even more determination. Finally two hours later the job was done and water was again running freely with no drips.

I cleaned up and was proud of my work. My wife was also happy that the drip had been fixed. She thanked  me, even while telling me that the faucet was not master bathroom quality. Which meant in wife speak that she didn't like it, and it would soon have to be replaced. I looked wearily at my bathroom sink with terrible realization that I now will need to replace it so that it matches the one she has. Since I really don't want nothing for myself I may be able to postpone this inevitable act of cruelty.

Listen Up

 One of the things I try to tell my salespeople is that they need to listen to what their customers are saying. What I see most of the time is that they will interrupt or talk over a customer when they think they have the answer. It's like they are on Jeopardy and want to buzz in first.

 While the customer is talking they are already formulating in their mind what their response is going to be. Therefore they do not take the time to actually analyze what the customer is saying about what they need. Soon we have a game show going on to see who gets the last word in or makes the last point. Many of us are so preoccupied on getting what we want, we forget that if you help someone get what they want, you'll probably get more than you originally imagined.

I have tried to apply this concept at home, and it has proven to be just as successful there. If you are willing to truly listen to what your partner is saying you will find out what they need. This two way communication is critical for a solid relationship.  The one stumbling block I have is that sometimes my wife isn't really listening to me at all. Have you ever seen the television show where you can hear what the character is thinking, and they show someone else talking, but with no sound? That's the way it happens here sometimes. I may be talking but nobody is listening. My wife is on to the next thought or project in her mind. Fortunately I'm usually saying anything very important on those occasions, I'm not looking for the sale, and she has already bought the merchandise. 

A Man Named Somebody

Like any couple my wife and I have arguments. Fortunately very few of them are serious and most of the time we can make fun of ourselves and laugh about them later. Lately my wife has come up with a new way to press her point without causing an argument.

 First thing you must keep in mind is that we are currently empty nesters. It is only the two of us here in the house. So, let's assume my wife is disturbed about something; let's say the room temperature, lights  being left on, or any multitude of things. What she will now say is "Somebody left the lights on, or Somebody didn't take out the trash, or somebody didn't clean  the lint filter in the dryer. Well, I think you get the picture.

So I asked her "Who is Somebody?" She smiles and said "I didn't say you." I smiled and answered "I know because I didn't do it." This dance goes on for a little while each time, whether it's me telling her, "Somebody did it", or her telling me "Somebody did it". For the most part "Somebody" normally learns from the error of his/her ways and things move on happily ever after (until Somebody messes up again).

The moral of this story can be quoted from the Rev. Jessie Jackson.... "I am Somebody!"

Friends

I remember a verse in a song that said "Friends, how many of us have them?". Well in today's world you can have as many as you want. Just go to any of the social network sites and look. For example, my grand daughter who is only thirteen, has a facebook page and 136 friends. I find it hard to image that she even knows that many people, let alone can call all the ones she does know as "friends". My wife, who is very sociable, is probably up six hundred between facebook, twitter, and linkin.  That is probably low in today's terms. Even me, who didn't get a cell phone until my wife and daughter conspired to get me one for a birthday gift (they pay the bill), now have over one hundred friends.

As I grew up I know alot of people in the neighborhood, in school, on the job, conducting work (I was a retail salesman) and just from being out and about. However, I have only had a few, of what I call  friends.  Maybe my definition is too narrow. To me a friend is someone you have grow up with experienced things together. These are also people who, as thee  bible says, "will do thee good." They are there for you, not sometime but all the time, and are always looking to do thee good. No self serving motives. Here are some tell tale signs of a person not being a friend:  Have they been to your home?  Do they know you children's names? Have they met  you spouse or relatives? Have you gone places for fun together? Would they come to your assistance in a time of trouble? Have you know them more than ten years? If you they were to stop keeping in touch, would you?

Someone said that "if you show me your friends, I'll show you your future". The Internet lets it all hang out there. And once it's out there its forever out there somewhere. Many people will make decisions based on who your friends are there, and what they are saying. I personally do not feel the need to talk to everyone I know and let them know how I am doing. Is it really important to let all your friends know that you having a bad day if they cannot help you make it better? Some of the people I see on facebook and twitter are pretty bitter while others are overjoyed by the simpliest of things.

I saw on TV (yes I still watch the evening news)  the person who was on facebook conversing with "his friends" during a hostage situation with the police. This went on throughout the crisis, which did not end well for him. Then there was the sports figure who was on a blind date tweeting negative things about his date while she was in the  ladies room. Little did he know that one of her girlfriends saw the tweet and sent them to her in the bathroom. Someone once told me "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all." That definitely would have applied here.

Don't get me wrong I think facebook and twitter are both great social networks when used  reasonably. Being able to keep in touch with real friends and associates in the manner, is head and shoulders above the old school methods of phone calls and get togethers.

Terminator versus the Matrix

Recently I was at a loss for anything meaningful to watch on TV so I turned to a channel that advertised "Movies That Don't Suck" and watched a Terminator and a Matrix movie back to back. Since both of these movies have prequels and sequels I don't really know the full title or number of either one. What I do know is that both talk about our future in no uncertain terms. The machines take over in both cases, and it is not good for us humans. Since art normally copies life (or is it vice verse) I tried to put them into perspective.

What if the Internet or World Wide Web actually turns out to be Sky Net, like in the Terminator? With all the information that is out there and with all systems trying to be tied together, isn't it possible? Would it be so  far fetched for someone to hack into our defense system, or another country's and start a war? Pretty scary, but it could happen.

The Matrix is a little more far fetched, with humans living in a dream state, while their bodies are used as an energy force for the machines. However, with humans obsessed with the desire to maintain their fragile physical bodies, it is a  possibility that man could go to far and lose control. Both of these movies relinquish the role of spirituality or God. The Matrix at least looks at the idea of fate, destiny, and miracles.

Who knows, someone could be hacking and spying on me right now. I have no doubt.  Most futuristic movies paint a grim picture, but I hope the end more like the Rocky movies, where the underdog comes through.

Charity Begins From Home

Each year I contribute what I feel to be a reasonable amount of money to several charities. Some are easy to and painless, such as Metro united Way and The Funds for the Arts, which I support through payroll deductions. I have been supporting these worthy causes over a number of years, and each year there is a drive and a sign up period to continue.

 Outside of these I would venture to say that off and on I contribute to at least twenty others yearly on a regular bases. There are some rules that I have come to implement recently, due to the way charities operate. For one thing I will no longer pledge funds over the telephone. Until I had my residential phone line removed these were almost 80 percent of the calls I was receiving. While I was able to block the telemarketers, this guys were relentless. Many of them called and asked for me by name, as if we were close friends. Since I usually also received a mail request from the same people I defriended them.

Some organizations have begun sending me money. Maybe three nickels, pennies, or a dime. They usually come with a letter letting me know how much this change can do for someone, and I believe they are trying to shame me into sending them back with a donation. To those charities I normally send my one or twice a year donation, and keep all the change that comes my way. I figure if they have enough change to send to everyone on their donors list they won't miss it. In other words, don't ask me for help and then send me money while doing it.

Then there are those charities that once you send them a donation are kind enough to send you a receipt, a letter of thank you, and by the way "can you send us an additional contribution." I know contributions to charitable causes are down, but squeezing your regular contributors in this way is a little hard to swallow. It is also puzzling to me, who has watched Jerry Lewis' Telethon since I was a little kid and it was in black & white, why we haven't been able to find a cure for Jerry's kids. MS is a terrible disease and I know there have been advances, but surely we could have done better.