Hail the King

I have tried to stay away from political post, but I felt in the mood today. The Mueller Report is out and per the Attorney General's summary, after almost two years there was no collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians. Let me first say that I never believed they would find or be able to prove any collusion, since I don't believe that Trump, his family, or campaign personnel were smart enough or dumb enough to do something like that. Anyway, now our reality show president can get on with his quest to become King. 

Throughout his life, Trump has been a bully and a malcontent over his station in society. Developed an organization with him being at the head, and anyone not getting on the train would be destroyed. He considers himself the ultimate winner, even when he or others lose big time. Almost all his ventures have been grand gestures which have either ended in bankruptcy or failure. However, he typically comes out on the plus due to the way he wheels and deals, and destroying those that played the game with him.

However, you have to admire him for being able to sale his game to America. Even though Obama dis not have a scandal before , during , or after his presidency, everything he did was wrong for the country according to Trump and his backers. Time to make America great again by isolationism, breaking trade agreements, penalizing immigrants, building a wall around us, where he is King and in control of his own private country.  A man who has never served, been a working class stiff, been in any political office now claims to know more than our generals, intelligence agency, and all members of congress. This was a massive feat to accomplish and he pulled it off with ease.

Mexico didn't pay for the wall, health care was not repealed and replace (and not even fixed), tax cut (mostly for the wealthy) and deficits soaring (a major problem when talking about Obama), and N. Korea still has nuclear weapons. America at some point in time the chickens will come home to roast and at my age I probably won't live to see the worst of it, but my children and grandkids probably will.  There is an old saying, 'be careful for what you ask for, you just might get it". Based on the trajectory of state of America we will probably have another term for King Trump, and then he will leave as he always have, leaving us holding the bag.

Homeless

Lil Duval and Snoop Dogg have a song out entitled "Smile". The lyrics go something like this: "I'm living my best life, ain't going back and forth with you. You've got a lot to be smiling for, so what are you wowing for? If you breathing, you achieving. We having fun this evening believing." This has kind of been my motto since I retired a few years ago. All was going well until my middle step daughters problems became mine.

I always wondered about homeless people and how they ended up in their situation. Some I can understand as just plan unfortunate, while others were caused by the systems we live in, and still could be the result of addiction or criminal activity. I always wondered if they had any family that could help them. For the sake of our daughters three young children, my wife was faced with the obligation of taking  them in ,along with their mother, once they became homeless.

Her path to homelessness could have been predictable and has been building for years. As a senior in high school, she became pregnant and moved out of the house on her own. We tried to support in those early days, providing her with a car for transportation. Supporting her to get her GED. She was never an early riser, which made maintaining a job difficult. She entered the system to get housing assistance and food stamps.  After a few years of struggling she made the common mistake of young people and tried to make easy money. She was caught passing bad checks and incarcerated. We took her little girl during that time. When she was released, as most people do, she said she had learned her lesson and was going to get her act together. However, it was six month later that she was pregnant again, by another man, who turned out to be a criminal and ended up in jail.

Now with two small children and not fathers around, we continued to try and support her with more vehicles (she is very hard on car, and destroyed more that I can remember), leasing her apartments, and buying things for the girls. We got her into a program call Youth Build, where she could learn a trade. However after she graduated she didn't follow up and with her criminal record she could get a job to support the family. She neglected the girls and turned to drugs which resulted in us taking the two girls in this time. She eventually cleaned up enough to get them back.

She got approved for Section 8 housing and was able to move into a low income home. In the meantime she had another child, with another person, who eventually ended up in jail for a short period of time. This time it was a little boy. She worked sporadically during this time, living on state assistance and some child support from her first little girls father. All the while hustling on the street. She went back to school for medical coding, but has never used it. She worked at a nursing home but had a poor attendance record and couldn't pass the certification test. 

One year later and two more moves through section 8,  she has her fourth child. New father, who also doesn't work, and is receiving disability. Partners in crime as I call them. I helped her with a leased vehicle , which she destroyed in it's first year and exceed the mileage in two years, by twice as much as the lease agreement. It finally broke down and I had to take it back and work on getting it repaired. She lost her section 8 as her and her children destroyed the property and were evicted. There was property stolen from the housing unit which she was charged with and could not pay for. She then moved into another low income housing project and tried to work a deal with the manager to stay with assistance and pay a lower rate. I helped her with funds in both situations but it was only a matter of time, before she and the kids were evicted again.

This is where we came in, with them having no other options but the street. Our world is upside down trying to get them to different schools, meals, and just the constant commotion. The youngest little girl is in the fifth grade and cannot read. The little boy was just introduced into an alternative school for at risk boys, W.E.B. Dubois Academy. But he is already on probation for absenteeism and tardiness. The teenage daughter has missed school and is already repeating part of the ninth grade. She spends most of her time on social media and running around with a group of girls from the inner city. She has been to court for being in a stolen car . Much of her behavior though mirrors her mother, even though I believe she is a good kid. Mom can't get an apartment with no job, no credit, no car, and no possibilities. 

She is the stereotypical welfare mother who leaves her kids to get high or try to make money by selling drugs. She feels that as parents we should be there to help her and raise the kids. Well, I'm living my best life and I have helped her at every turn, but I ain't going back and forth with you. I will be selling the house and moving to Florida during the spring and I hope she has figured something out by then. God helps those who help themselves and listen when people  try to help them. He also says that sometimes you have to let people go, so they can finish his test. 

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Care Giving

My mother will reach the ripe old age of 92 this year. Up until the time she was 85 she stayed lived alone in our childhood home in St Louis independently. As her health began to fail it became apparent that she would need someone to help her with even the most basic of needs. My older brother who was retired from the military and living in Florida with his family came home to see if he could help take care of her. In his heart, as with many children, he had promised our mother that she could remain in her house until she died.

 

 We started with "chore help" at the house, where mom could get someone to come to the house during the day to help clean up, get her meals together, along with a physical therapist once a week. This helped but my brother still needed to stay at the house with her, so she would have assistance overnight and during the hours when no one was assigned. This took a great toll on him. His marriage which had already suffered considerably from internal problems went to shambles. He has been through two failed attempts for a divorce and his wife is still receiving all his money to pay for his house, expenses, car payments, insurance and anything else which comes up there. His health   has deteriorated. As an Army vet near 70 on disability, he   has his own medical issues. One time during this year both he and my mother were in the hospital at the same time.

 

Last year it became apparent that we would have to place mom in an assistant living facility. My brother could no longer take care of her adequately by himself. After one of her hospital visits she was placed in a rehab program and then we transitioned her to he hospitals extended care facility. One of the things that really makes me angry is to see the television commercials that advertise a place for mom and health care options for senior citizens. The commercials show individuals in homes which are nicer than my own, with ability to do things self sufficiently. They show retirement homes with activities such as members nicely dressed, playing cards, dancing, or receiving delicious meals at home prepared by a young well dressed care giver. This is not the real world unless you are white and have a substantial amount of money.

 

When I called "A Place For Mom" they told me they couldn't help me because my mother didn't have enough money and since she was on Medicare, she could go through Medicaid to try to get into a nursing home facility. When I looked into the facilities for Medicaid, the beds were all filled, or the facility had a very poor staffing or operational rating. They never discuss what a low income individual can do. Living in a home that was built in the 1940's in a neighborhood which has now run down and drug infested, my mother hadn't been outside , even to sit on her own front porch, for several years. My mother still asked every time we see her, when she is going home. It is heartbreaking. I try to go home at least once a month now to try and give my brother a break and support. His heart will not let him leave my mother, even while she is in the assisted living facility, because of the fact that  he is afraid of how she will be cared for. The stories are numerous and true about nursing home neglect and abuse.

 

Dealing with Medicaid has been a nightmare. They were suppose to take money from mom's bank account to supplement their payments to the nursing home. They allowed her tom stay six months before accurately placing her case in. The system. When we asked about what was going own the personnel at the state office had no clue, told us not to worry, and even gave us bad information on how it would be handled. At the end of the day, we were told we owed $5,400 for her stay and if we didn't pay we would be charged with Medicaid fraud. We had most of the money, but my brother had used some on mom's money to pay bills that were still coming in at our house, where he was staying.

 

While all of us may not end up with the situation o9f caring for older parents, many of us will. Family caregivers should receive compensation o9f some sort for all the give and the stress on their lives. Yes, it is an obligation to take care of a loved one, but it shouldn't be the end of two lives. I pray for all those who are going through this.

Let the Sideshow Begin

Five hundred days into the Trump  and it is hard not to have opinions or get away from the media commentary. There is so much going on everyday and so much material. For hose who are Trump supporters I guess all is well and his agenda is the right one. It is difficult for me to see a congruent ideology versus a personality.

Many people thought that having an African American president would turn the tide in American. However, I believe that all it did was expose the things that were wrong in American and opened the door for a new era in American history. Obama led American out of a cruising recession, economic downturn, natural disasters, and ongoing war. All the while with the majority leaders in the senate and house openly pledging not to support any of his efforts. He was able to do some good anyway, both in the areas of saving major industries, financial institutions, and even some civil rights.



However, this only made many people threatened both by a minority leader and the party that represented him. It emboldened many to come forward  in a way that was not previously respected or condoned. The reality star was king of the world and now saw a chance to take that crown in the world of politics. Make America great again with a man who would say whatever he felt to beat down his competition. All for the win baby win, and the put down of anyone that dared to get down in the mud with him. America was built on the genocide of the indigenous people of our country and the slavery of another. This is clearly "white mans land" and we need to get back to it. No more Mexicans, Africans, or any other types of people. Trumps motto is to be the Top Dog.

 

So he won and people were surprised. But not me. Just like when people say that the police force has a few "bad apples" that need to be held accountable for their use of excessive force on minorities. If every force has a few bad apples, that leads to "a lot" of bad apples in the system. I doubt that people would be willing to have a few bad apples in their hospitals, schools, or courts. But I'm sure it happens. What is hard for me to believe is that many average people believed the con that Trump was selling about being for the "working and average citizen" when he has never been one himself.

 

Trump is a person who is self centered and craves adoration and acclaim from those around him. He praises many of the foreign leaders such as Putin and Kim Jung Un because that are strong dictators, and he like to operate in that fashion. He wants the Presidency to be his ruling with loyal subjects. The other parts of government in our democracy are in his way. Blame things on the other party, or on his own if they don't want to see it his way. Come up with untrue stories and facts to prove his points are right, and do it in any situation necessary. He is dismantling things that support our way of life both legally and morally. Our justice department, once the most respected in the world is now in a shambles. A man with no experience ever in public service, elected to be our most respected commander and chief.

 

The sideshow goes on daily and I see no hope or change in sight, since there is no one in either party with the balls to challenge the "King". Hopefully, our constitution an way of government will survive but it will never be the same. No telling what things will look like when the curtain comes down.

Trumped

I have resisted writing all the things I feel about our current President and the state of our country. However, after being bombarded daily with the soap opera that is occurring it is difficult. Our country has been trumped, conned, and bamboozled by an individual who is narcissist with a superiority complex, and the power obtained by money and entitlement. 

 

Our President may love our country because of the wealth and power that it has allowed him to obtain. Many feel that he is the poster child of what we need to be successful as a country. But I truly believe that his intent when running for the presidency was to improve his position and that of his family. Even if he didn't win, he still would win because of publicity and the contacts made. It was a surprise to him and a great number of us that he won. However, when you appeal to those who have lost faith in the current government and believe that a new approach is necessary, I understand.

 

We now have a President who really shows no moral compass and who has been shown to have racial bias, misogyny, and xenophobia. Like an Egyptian pharaoh he has taken his position on the throne, as he sees it, to rule over his subjects. Those who are not loyal are punished and those who do not agree or challenge him are removed. The Hebrews, or the immigrants are getting to big in numbers and they must be stopped. This especially gets for the dreamers. It is easy for me as a black man to understand how there can be so many Americans who agree. They feel when the minorities increase and win, they lose.

 

This President knows nothing about diplomacy or the way of government. He does not intent to learn. Just wing it and throw out ideas based on talking to his friends and family, non of whom have the total picture of the economy or the world. A man who says things that any other  politician would be scorned for, or lose their position. An adulterer, who has openly bragged about his activities. A President who has inserted nepotism into the white house with no conscience about it at all.

 

Some people that I know, including my step daughter think that this person is the one to lead us. Their belief that the government is so corrupt , that a man who tells it like it is, won't back down, and who only wants to win at any cost to others (beside his followers) will make America great again.  They turn a blind eye to things that would have gotten others crucified. I can't imagine how this would have played out for President Obama. These are the things that many white Americans felt might happen with a black president.

 

  I only hope that our democracy can survive. Many have not, as this type of governing leads to the downfall of many. In God I trust if we do not.

Messiah Trap

This month will mark my 20th wedding anniversary with my wonderful wife. It hardly seems possible and doesn't feel like that much time has passed. We are a couple of opposites, with her being an extrovert and me being an introvert. Our zodiac signs don't match (if you are into that type of thing), she is a Capricorn and I am an Aries. She is very biased, opinionated, and for the most part pessimistic about things. I am reflective, with a lot of self speak, and normally willing to look at the positive side of things and not feel that people have ulterior motives for "all" their actions.With that being said I love my wife very much. She is my lover, sustainer, and my best friend. My most satisfying time are seeing or making her smile and laugh.

The one thing I have learned in these twenty years was not to try and figure her out. She is who she is, and I am not a psychoanalyst. I recently read a book written by Carmen Renee Berry, who is one, called "When Helping You Is Hurting Me." It did give me a great deal of insight into my wife and the fact that she is caught in what Ms Berry calls the Messiah Trap.

There are two sides to the trap. Side one is when a person has the feeling that" If I don't do it, it won't get done." And side two is when they feel "everyone else's needs take priority over mine." The reason one has these feeling can be traced back to one's childhood. My wife experienced many of the underlying causes. Through the childhood trauma she learned 1.) No one will protect us. If we are to be safe, we have to rely on ourselves and 2.) adults are more important then children. We have to devise hidden rather than overt ways to protect ourselves.

There are different types of Messiahs. I found that I too had some of the Messiah traits. But I did not feel as responsible for other people to the magnitude where I was trapped by actions. There are Pleasers who feel responsible for other peoples happiness, Givers feel responsible for other people's material needs, Protectors feel responsible for people' safety, Rescuers feel responsible for other people's crises, Counselors feel responsible for other peoples problems, Teachers feel responsible for other people understanding their lives, and Crusaders feel responsible for ensuring justice in other peoples lives. My wife seems to match all of these with the exception of Crusader.

I think because of unresolved pain in my wife's childhood she developed the eight characteristics evident in most Messiahs.1.) Tries to earn a sense of worth by acting worthy, 2)Lets others determine her actions,3)Needs to overachieve,4)Is attracted to helping those with similar pain, 5)Experiences difficulty in establishing peer and intimate relationships, 6.)Is caught in isolation, 7)Is driven to endless activity, and 8) Stops only when she drops.

We are slowly breaking out of the trap knowing that you cannot save everyone and that she must take time for herself. We have date night, take time to go to movies from time to time and try to have a relaxing dinner at a nice restaurant at least once a week. She is no longer a school teacher, which was pulling her heavily into the trap,and we have begun to allow our children and older grandchildren to make their own mistakes as a part of their lives. It is a battle for both of us but it is journey that we can handle "together".

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a  national holiday celebrated in Canada, the United States, some Caribbean islands, and Liberia, Yes Liberia, which is a country, colonized, and controlled by citizens of the United States and ex Caribbean slaves as a colony for former African American slaves and their free black descendants. (Some history for you). It began as a day of giving thanks for the blessing of harvest and of the preceding year. In 1621 the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast together. Based on what happened after this I don't see this as a day the Indians have any cause to celebrate now.

 

The date has been established over time to celebrate our blessings even while very little attention has been placed of where these blessing come from. Since we have long pasted the agricultural revolution, Thanksgiving has been transformed into a time to regroup for the year with family and friends around a feast of food. It has been almost moved to a  second tier holiday since it hasn't been able to be fully commercialized. Many consider it the "kick off" to the Christmas holiday period. While it has it's parades and family traditions, the day after is almost as celebrated as "black Friday".

 

This is one the few instances in American society where the term "black" is used as a positive. In most every other instance black is considered bad or ominous, while white is considered good or bright. In a society where the all mighty dollar is king, "being in the black" means success and prosperity. This is the time of year where capitalist pull. Out all the stops to win customers and increase sales. This is the time win people will spend money they don't have, to buy things they don't want or need, to impress people they don't know or even like.

But since life is never the way we hope or dream it should be, Thanksgiving should be a time to thank God for all the blessings we have. While we should give him thanks every day, for each and every day, the Thanksgiving Holiday should  be a day to regroup, no compare what we have to others, and rely on Gods power to help be content in whatever condition we may be in life.

With that said I offer this prayer:

Thank you, Lord, for the blessings You have bestowed on my life.
You have provided me with more than I could have ever even imagined.
You have given me family and friends who bless me every day with kind words and actions.
They lift me up in ways that keep my eyes focused on You and make Mt spirit soar.
Thank you, Lord.
In Your name, Amen.