The Troops Come Home

The last of the US troops have come home from Iraq. A true Christmas blessing. I want to give the President some thanks for standing his ground, setting a timeline, and ending our involvement. The American people were duped by a President, who in my opinion stole the election, and was placed in office after some suspicious circumstances and a Supreme Court ruling. Then after being supported after 9/11 duped us again with false information and a terrible military plan to attach Iraq. Hopefully the killing of Osama Bin Laden, by this President will lead to us eventually also ending our war in Afghanistan. God bless the troops that did their jobs and this song by Stevie Wonder symbolizes what should happen next.

Someday at Christmas men won't be boys
Playing with bombs like kids play with toys
One warm December our hearts will see
A world where men are free

Someday at Christmas there'll be no wars
When we have learned what Christmas is for
When we have found what life's really worth
There'll be peace on earth

Someday at Christmas man will not fail
Hate would be gone and love will prevail
Someday a new world that we can start
with hope in every heart

Someday all our dreams will come to be
Someday in a world where men are free
Maybe not in time for you and me
But someday at Christmastime

The Apprentice

Our eight year old granddaughter Makenna (The Con Artist) has been spending the week before Christmas with me and my wife. She conned her way out of school early after the Christmas pageant to come home with us and hasn't left yet. So for seven days she has been the apprentice of a professional shopper, my wife.

Things started off slow. She had to have a few extra clothes, since she didn't bring anything with her. This led to a trip to Target for a hooded jogging suit, socks, slippers,some new underwear, and because the weather was a changing a fur lined hooded coat and ear muffs. Of course while they were out she also participated in the process of picking up a few things for her brother and sisters who were not able to speak for themselves.

Each day after this, the apprentice went out into the world of the mall and observed the high level experience of Christmas shopping with a pro. In the house came toys, electronics, clothes and a variety of gifts for all our children and grand kids. At the end of each day I could hear the phrase of "I like shopping" being echoed from the apprentice with awe. Needless to say, she had no real concept that when Granny was buying these things using cards and coupons, that no money was changing hands, and that Paw Paw would be actually paying for them later.

As she showed off her purchases and who was getting what, money was not an issue. I tried in vain, even showing her my empty wallet, that I didn't have any money. It is difficult to describe how consumer credit works to an eight year old, after watching the master shopper at work.

However, this all has a silver lining. Since I hate to shop, and my wife knows this, I was left free to stay at home and wrap presents, watch TV, and remain stress free throughout this whole period. I also knew and could easily see that my wife came back from the mall a lot less stressed when she went with Makenna, than she ever would have been with me. I also had the time to go out on my own and buy the few gifts that I was specifically tasked with getting.

The Apprentice will go home tomorrow, with a great experience to remember. She will also have a heads up on all her brother and sisters gifts. We will see if she can keep the secrets.

Christmas Past

Christmas is right around the corner and like most people I think about how Christmas was in my past, knowing that the future can never live up to those days. I'm a baby boomer, born in 1949 after the war. Little did I know that Christmas as we know it was commercialized during and after the war in the 40's.

The Santa Claus that we saw, the jolly fat man in the red suit and beard, was an image contrived by marketeers to sell toys and products during the holiday. Saint Nick was standardized by Norman Rockwell paintings and brought to life by the department store giant Macy's. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas was a song from a movie, and became famous as it tugged on the heartstrings of Americans and  service men overseas for their first Christmas at war away from their families. And Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was song by the singing Cowboy Gene Audrey. His most popular recording  ever was the "B" side of another record.

So the Christmas I knew had only been around for a decade. None of this mattered then. We were all excited about Christmas. We were out of school. We were going to get toys and presents, watch TV and play with our friends and relatives. It was a week long party with family and friends until New Years.

I grew up in a family were my father passed away when I and my two brothers were all under the age of 10. My widowed mother took care of us as best she could. She worked everyday and we had some social security payments from my father. We didn't think we were poor since the conditions and other people who lived around us were all working people. We thought of ourselves as middle class since we didn't have to live in the projects. Today, I guess we would be classified as the working poor.

It didn't take us long to figure out that Santa Claus wasn't real a coming from and that the toys were coming from momma. After all we didn't even have a fireplace. We didn't care, all we knew was that when we went to sleep and woke up the next morning the toys were there. The one things that sticks with me about Christmas was that I always want a bike, and it never came. I couldn't complain too much because my brothers never got one either. I found out later that my mother was afraid that if we got a bike someone in the

neighborhood would take it from us, or we would get hit by a car, so she never bought them. The kids in the neighborhood usually came to our house, and they would brings toys and games we could all play together. We would visit family and friends later in the day for dinner and I would get a chance to sit with the men and watch football.

As we got older toys began to give way to school clothes. But even that was alright, because we had something new. When it got to the time when I could work and save a little money, I was so glad to be able to buy some little things for my mother. It didn't take much for her and she had worked so hard for us. We lived away from my grandparents, and my aunts and uncles had families of their own, but my momma never complained about not   getting presents for herself.

For me it was very little stress, back then. Not like it is now. Worrying about getting the presents and then paying the bills afterwards. My wife is stressed out about the Christmas dinner, who, what and where will it be. Not only as a parents with grown children, we also want to take care of the grandchildren, who still see the fun in Christmas  and remind me of what it was like in Christmas' past.

Early Riser

All of my life I have been an early riser, out of circumstance versus desire. I actually hate getting out of bed in the morning. Growing up as a kid, school always started at 8:30 a.m., and moma didn't play that being late for school. If she had to get up to go to work, everybody had to get up to go to school. After the fourth grade I had to take the bus to school, public transportation, two buses using a transfer. So I had to get up even earlier. Weekend ends weren't much better with chores assigned on Saturday mornings and Sunday School on Sundays.

After my school age years there was my time in the military. As you can imagine this was even more regimented with morning hours meant for activities and leisurely sleep-ins heavly frowned upon. After basic training things loosened up, but by then the habits were set.

Then comes my working life, which has resulted in getting up for the daily shift five days a week for as long as I can remember. This early riser thing has been enbedded into my being. Even choosing the 8:00 a.m. morning service for church. I am a creature of habit, rising in the morning to sit on the edge of the bed, take a shower, brush my teeth and shave, dress, get a cup of coffee, read the  paper, and head off to work or to complete the tasks that have been circulating in my head overnight for the day.

I say all this to get to the fact that since I have had a hip replacement, I have not been able to get around much for several weeks. I have also been off work. So, I have been able to "sleep in". Getting up and out of bed at 9:00-9:30 a.m. What a treat! However, this all came tumbling down this weekend when I needed my spiritual replenishment. I needed to go to church! As  the younger generation would say "OMG". Getting up at again at 6:30 a.m. was a battle of wills between good and evil. One voice was saying "Stay, you don't need to leave this warm bed, it can wait", while the other was saying " You can do it, you need to do it, move your body and get up." Good prevailed and I did make it to church. It was amazing that as soon as I got there and the choir began singing, how much better I felt, with no pain at all.

Anyway, I'm back on the early riser track again, with things to do, and a purpose for the mornings.

Handyman's Helper

Due to my recent hip  replacement I have had to solicit the help of an assistant, my wife Donna, to carry on the handyman duties around the house. It is amazing how little things that we take for granted pop up once one is incapacitated. It is also funny to watch my wife address them, since I was always responsible for handling these things silently and behind the scenes. I look at this as good practice for my wife to become a more rounded individual. Since she is the creative mind of the household, projects are forever taking place, usualy  thought up by her and implemented by me. If left to my own accord the house would look the same as inside as it did ten years ago, except for a few minor changes. However, I really love what she has done with the place.

Anyway, the first thing she realized was how many light bulbs are in the house. Also, how many  different sizes, types, watts, etc. Invariably they start going out one at a time. First the small spot light in the family room over the fireplace, then the large flood light in the kitchen, then the small light in the bathroom, the appliance light in the refrigerator, and the halogen light outside in the night lights around the house. First, I had to show her where the light bulb stash was in the garage. Several cases required her to  buy light bulbs from hone depot. But at the end of the day the lights have been replaced. She has also learned where the main water shut off valve is located and the downstairs circuit board. This is important knowledge for and homeowner. 

Yesterday we tackled the dreaded snaking procedure for a clogged drain. She also completed on her own, with my assistance, placing some glass film on the windows around our front entrance way door. She was tired of the plain glass and the ability for people to look directly into the house when coming up to the door. She did a masterful job. It was difficult at time watching her do the steps without interjecting how I would do it and taking over. But she read the instructions, measured the space, cut the film insert, and after some frustrations got her done. 

Our, her, next projects involve putting up new curtain rods and curtains as well as decorating the house for Christmas. This should be fun, since I don't think she knows where all the Christmas items are, and the effort it takes. Happy Holidays 

Black Friday

Black Friday has come and gone and boy was it exciting. I saved a ton of money by not buying anything at the mall, out of stores, or on the Internet. It is exhilarating! However for a sports fan like myself it was a great day. I started off by watching U of L football team defeat the University of South Florida for the first time in forever. With the win they ended the season tied for the Big East Championship and assured of a bowl invitation with a 7-5 record. Congratulations to Charlie Strong in only his second season. Then it was on to watch LSU take on Arkansas in a battle of number #1 versus #3. LSU prevailed in a great game. Lastly, after partaking in some left over Thanksgiving dinner, was the Louisville basketball team squaring off with Ohio U. It was a tough game that U of L was on the way to losing before stepping up in the last four minutes to pull out a victory. To make all of this even better was that I was home alone to scratch, belch, and scream at the TV as much as my heart desired. Having given money to my wife to take our older grand kids, MaKayla and MaKenna to the mall, my heart and mind were light, knowing that they were also enjoying themselves to the max.    

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has evolved into a strange holiday these days. It used to be one of the big four holidays - Easter, 4th of  July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. However, now Thanksgiving is that holiday after Halloween and the start of the Christmas shopping period. If one did not know better "Black Friday" is the more important. Holidays are just place markers for our economy to try and increase sales and stimulate

consumption in a country that desperately needs help.

Thanksgiving was a great holiday where we gathered as families to celebrate our "freedom" to do just that., "Get together". We saw cousins, aunts, nieces, grandparents, and just friends we hadn't seen for a long time. It was a time of plenty, with meals at different peoples home, when above the typical mundane weekly menus. The men and boys played football in the backyards and watched the NFL on TV all day long. That was when the pro game was worth watching.

I watched my wife work all week preparing food for Thanksgiving. While we are currently empty nesters we told all the children that they were welcome to come by and enjoy Thanksgiving with us during the day. So to be sure we had enough food was cooked in shifts. The greens  on Monday, the preparations for the sweet potato casserole, green beans, and dressing on Tues. Start preparing the turkey, macaroni and cheese, and making the pies  and cakes on Wednesday. She pulled it all off and everyone stopped by to enjoy the food and take a little bit home with them for later. Nothing better than next day Thanksgiving turkey and dressing.

I am thankful that I was able to see all the grand kids and enjoy their company while still being able to relax and watch the football games on TV. I am truly thankful to have all of them in the family, with all their different personalities. I am also thankful to be able to enjoy the day after having had hip replacement surgery just three weeks ago. While we talk about thanksgiving I think most people have forgotten who we are giving thanks too. That is God. Without his blessings none of the things that are in our life would be possible. To me every day is thanksgiving and I hope that I never forget.

Beauty's Only Skin Deep

As everyone knows, men and women are very different. One of the places where the difference is visible is in maintenance. Most women are high maintenance, while most men are low maintenance. One way to point this out is to just look at what is on the vanities in the bathroom. My wife is a beautiful women, both with or without make up. I definitly married up in regards to looks. But here is the comparison between us:

On my vanity in the bathroom are the following items: Toothpaste, tooth brushes, razor, deodorant, body lotion, Advil, after shave, shaving cream, hand sanitizer, Tums, powder, tough acting Tenactin for my athletes foot, nail clippers, Bio Freeze for my aches and pains, and fish oil pills for my daily omega 3. Not a bad assortment and enough to reasonably get me ready to start my day.

Now, let's take a look at what is on my wife's vanity (keep in mind that she has the larger one of these for obvious reasons)  : Nail polish, nail polish remover, Lubriderm daily moisture lotion, antiseptic skin cleanser,bubble bath, whitening strips, contact lens and cases, one magnifying mirror, bars of soap, cold cream, floss, toothpaste, tooth brushes, multipurpose eye solution, alcohol, jewelry, jewelry cleaner, Neutrogena oil free moisturizer, hair brush, combs, cotton balls, Q tips, clear pore cleaner/mask, sun block, witch hazel, oil eliminating astringent, hand & body wash, razor, tweezers, eyebrow pencils, assorted lip stick, fashion lashes, assorted finger nail polishes, assorted perfumes, Vaseline, nail files, nail clippers, and five different Optimun hair care treatments.

Now, I know that this is only a partial list of things used. Since I don't know what half of these things were used for, I didn't venture into the drawers, the night stand, dresser or the guest bathroom looking for more. I would venture to say that the findings would be eye opening. 

Hot Math

Last week our grand daughter called and said that she was having some problems with her homework. I asked her which class and she said Algebra 1. Well it has been over forty years since I've done any algebra but I said I would give it a shot. She read me the problem, but I couldn't visualize what it was asking for. I asked her if she had anything in her book she could refer to, or if she had just not been listening in class. She said that the teacher had told the class that if they had problems they could go to the Internet for help. The bad news is that where my grand daughter lives they don't have the Internet, cable, or a computer able to get it. I asked her for the site and she said go to Hotmath.com. 

Things now got interesting. I went to the site and it asked me what book I was using. So I asked my grand daughter and she gave me the name of the textbook  she was using. Sure enough it was there. After clicking on it the next question was what page and which problem. I entered the page number and the problem number I got from Makayla and sure enough it showed me the problem in writing just as she had read it to me. It then said that I could get the answer to the problem by logging in as a member. To get the answer for the problem it would cost me $54 to sign up. I could see that some answers were "free" but this wasn't one of them. I could also get video tutoring for $17.

So it has come to this. What students don't learn in school they can buy the answers if they have the money. Not only is this available but it is told to the students by the teachers. Does this mean that if they can't get it done they can just let the Internet do it for them? Anyway, those that have the money can assist their kids with this extra help, if that is what you want to call it, while those without the finances have to fend on their own. You learn that in economics class.

Unfortunately, I didn't think that buying the answers was a good idea, so I told Makayla to see if she could make friends with the smartest person in her class, and get some free tutoring. Second option would be to ask the teacher if she could explain it again, and third but not least, reread the information leading up to the problem until it possibly made sense.

Discipline

Recently I watched one of my daughters as she attempted to discipline her son, who is three years old. Sam is a happy go lucky child that I have labeled as the "Rapper". This is because always saying things in a language all his own. It solds like rap, and by the look on his face I can only imagine that he has the whole lyrical verse in his head. Anyway, Sam is a runner. He runs from his mother and everyone else.To him it is all a game as his mother constantly runs after him. Never spanking him or scolding him so that he learns that this behavior is unacceptable, and if nothing else dangerous.

As a kid I remember being disciplined alot. I rremember hearing my mother say "this hurts me more that it hurts you" as she whooped my butt. I really couldn't figure out how that could be at time, but now I think I do. Discipline as a noun means "training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior" and also "punishment intended to correct or train". It hurt my mother to punish me, but she knew she had to train me. Most young children left without this training will normally do the wrong things. A young child will normally take whatever they want. It doesn't  care who it belongs it to, how valuable is, or if it may be harmful. They just know they want it. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

Now what I have heard alot of from young parents today is that "they don't want their children to go through what they went through." To this I answer, "some things are meant to go through." If you don't experience the consequences of making wrong choices, you will continue  to make them. One must have discipline to succeed in life. If children do not learn to listen to their parents correct them, and neglect their instruction they will never fully learn to respect any kind of authority. This is clearly evident in the conditions of our schools where teachers find it hard to be respected and listened to by their students. Proverbs 19:18 says "Discipline your children while there is hope, otherwise you will ruin their lives".

Discipline is doing what you don't want to do in order to do what you want to do. We all need it, young and old. Discipline is learning not to run from your mother in the mall like you want, so that you can go swimming at the pool later. Discipline is not eating that chocolate dessert that you really want , because you want to go out and show off your new figure at the party. Discipline is not buying that stylish new car you want, so you can remodel the kitchen. Even our government needs discipline particularly with our finances. Discipline would have been not giving everybody a mortgage they couldn't afford so they could be home owners, so we could have lower unemployment and closer to a balanced budget today.

Feed the Children

I can remember what my mother used to say to me and my brothers when we wouldn't eat some of the great food she cooked for us like liver, black eyed peas, or spinach. "That's good food, eat it, there are children starving in Africa and they would love to have that food." One of the worst head slaps I received was the one and only time that I said "give it to them then."

The morale of the story though is that we live in the richest country in the world ,and I should have been grateful for whatever meals I received. This hit me hard last night as I watched the evening news and saw the starving and dying children in Somalia. I actually felt ashamed for the huge lunch that I had that day now knowing that others were starving in such staggering numbers. It is only by the grace of God that I was born here in America and not there.

 It also angered me to see the news media there now, when more than 40,000 children would die from starvation and a refugee camp the size of Cleveland in the dessert, without food, water, shelter and with little hope. Where were they when the drought was occurring for over two years, and the civil war has been raging for a decade, and thousands of lives have been lost? While America has fought and spent billions of dollars on the war in Iraq, based on a false premise and ego, it has turned a blind eye on this type of suffering. Were these people's rights less violated here than there? Or was it because there is nothing to be gained in the form of oil, minerals, or leverage. And last but not lease is it because these are people of color? Does our country's moral compass  not extend to Africa as it does the Middle East ?

So the media will now try to bring attention to this desperate situation, in the hopes that ordinary people or any civilian organization with financial means will help. Even the poorest of us is better off that these forgotten people, mostly women and children, and no matter how bad it gets I will never forget that.

Install in Four Easy Steps- Right

 I have been a home owner most of my adult life and the DIY Network is like the Disney Channel to me. I have done my share of painting, kitchen, and bathroom jobs over the last thirty five years and I can proudly say that none of them were ever as easy as any of the shows or commercials on TV.The only show that I can truly believe is When Renovations Go Bad. Doing jobs around the house for me is like putting toys together at Christmas time. Sometimes it works, but most of the time there is always either a part missing or it doesn't fit. 

This weekend the task at hand was to repair the dripping faucet at my wife's sink in our master bathroom

Keep in mind that have been avoiding this job for almost a year and for good reason. First  I remembered how long it took me put these faucets in several years ago. However, after doing everything I could to control the drip (including putting an aspirin bottle under the handle to keep it tight) my wife could take no more. Plus she had seen them on sale at Home Depot.

So off we went. Upon making it to Home Depot there was the usual delay caused by trying to pick out the proper faucet. The one on sale was definitely not the quality desired. It also needed to be an American Standard brand since one of the shows she had watched said that it was a good brand and parts were easy to find. I just wanted to  get out of there with something easy to install and didn't cost over $100. We settled on the single control American Standard faucet with speed control drain (some new device, but it had fewer parts) for $75. The box said easy to install in fifteen minutes and four easy steps.

Home we went. I got out all the necessary tools, read the instructions and went to work. Since we have an older home the first thing I noticed was that my plumbing did not look like the plumbing in the diagram. I'm sure this has happened to all of us. My wife was kind enough to pull up a demonstration of an install on her phone to walk me through it step by step. The only problem was that she was watching and listening while I was under the sink trying to unscrew mounting nuts that were either old or were just to tight. The instructions didn't note that I had to replace the old copper supply lines or  that the old drain pipe would not fit.

All this time my wife was feeling quite sorry for me and would ask from time to time if there was anything she could do to help. Of course since there was only room for one of us under the sink this was very practical. At one point she even said, let's stop and finish tomorrow. But my male ego kicked in and I continued with even more determination. Finally two hours later the job was done and water was again running freely with no drips.

I cleaned up and was proud of my work. My wife was also happy that the drip had been fixed. She thanked  me, even while telling me that the faucet was not master bathroom quality. Which meant in wife speak that she didn't like it, and it would soon have to be replaced. I looked wearily at my bathroom sink with terrible realization that I now will need to replace it so that it matches the one she has. Since I really don't want nothing for myself I may be able to postpone this inevitable act of cruelty.

Listen Up

 One of the things I try to tell my salespeople is that they need to listen to what their customers are saying. What I see most of the time is that they will interrupt or talk over a customer when they think they have the answer. It's like they are on Jeopardy and want to buzz in first.

 While the customer is talking they are already formulating in their mind what their response is going to be. Therefore they do not take the time to actually analyze what the customer is saying about what they need. Soon we have a game show going on to see who gets the last word in or makes the last point. Many of us are so preoccupied on getting what we want, we forget that if you help someone get what they want, you'll probably get more than you originally imagined.

I have tried to apply this concept at home, and it has proven to be just as successful there. If you are willing to truly listen to what your partner is saying you will find out what they need. This two way communication is critical for a solid relationship.  The one stumbling block I have is that sometimes my wife isn't really listening to me at all. Have you ever seen the television show where you can hear what the character is thinking, and they show someone else talking, but with no sound? That's the way it happens here sometimes. I may be talking but nobody is listening. My wife is on to the next thought or project in her mind. Fortunately I'm usually saying anything very important on those occasions, I'm not looking for the sale, and she has already bought the merchandise. 

A Man Named Somebody

Like any couple my wife and I have arguments. Fortunately very few of them are serious and most of the time we can make fun of ourselves and laugh about them later. Lately my wife has come up with a new way to press her point without causing an argument.

 First thing you must keep in mind is that we are currently empty nesters. It is only the two of us here in the house. So, let's assume my wife is disturbed about something; let's say the room temperature, lights  being left on, or any multitude of things. What she will now say is "Somebody left the lights on, or Somebody didn't take out the trash, or somebody didn't clean  the lint filter in the dryer. Well, I think you get the picture.

So I asked her "Who is Somebody?" She smiles and said "I didn't say you." I smiled and answered "I know because I didn't do it." This dance goes on for a little while each time, whether it's me telling her, "Somebody did it", or her telling me "Somebody did it". For the most part "Somebody" normally learns from the error of his/her ways and things move on happily ever after (until Somebody messes up again).

The moral of this story can be quoted from the Rev. Jessie Jackson.... "I am Somebody!"

Friends

I remember a verse in a song that said "Friends, how many of us have them?". Well in today's world you can have as many as you want. Just go to any of the social network sites and look. For example, my grand daughter who is only thirteen, has a facebook page and 136 friends. I find it hard to image that she even knows that many people, let alone can call all the ones she does know as "friends". My wife, who is very sociable, is probably up six hundred between facebook, twitter, and linkin.  That is probably low in today's terms. Even me, who didn't get a cell phone until my wife and daughter conspired to get me one for a birthday gift (they pay the bill), now have over one hundred friends.

As I grew up I know alot of people in the neighborhood, in school, on the job, conducting work (I was a retail salesman) and just from being out and about. However, I have only had a few, of what I call  friends.  Maybe my definition is too narrow. To me a friend is someone you have grow up with experienced things together. These are also people who, as thee  bible says, "will do thee good." They are there for you, not sometime but all the time, and are always looking to do thee good. No self serving motives. Here are some tell tale signs of a person not being a friend:  Have they been to your home?  Do they know you children's names? Have they met  you spouse or relatives? Have you gone places for fun together? Would they come to your assistance in a time of trouble? Have you know them more than ten years? If you they were to stop keeping in touch, would you?

Someone said that "if you show me your friends, I'll show you your future". The Internet lets it all hang out there. And once it's out there its forever out there somewhere. Many people will make decisions based on who your friends are there, and what they are saying. I personally do not feel the need to talk to everyone I know and let them know how I am doing. Is it really important to let all your friends know that you having a bad day if they cannot help you make it better? Some of the people I see on facebook and twitter are pretty bitter while others are overjoyed by the simpliest of things.

I saw on TV (yes I still watch the evening news)  the person who was on facebook conversing with "his friends" during a hostage situation with the police. This went on throughout the crisis, which did not end well for him. Then there was the sports figure who was on a blind date tweeting negative things about his date while she was in the  ladies room. Little did he know that one of her girlfriends saw the tweet and sent them to her in the bathroom. Someone once told me "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all." That definitely would have applied here.

Don't get me wrong I think facebook and twitter are both great social networks when used  reasonably. Being able to keep in touch with real friends and associates in the manner, is head and shoulders above the old school methods of phone calls and get togethers.

Terminator versus the Matrix

Recently I was at a loss for anything meaningful to watch on TV so I turned to a channel that advertised "Movies That Don't Suck" and watched a Terminator and a Matrix movie back to back. Since both of these movies have prequels and sequels I don't really know the full title or number of either one. What I do know is that both talk about our future in no uncertain terms. The machines take over in both cases, and it is not good for us humans. Since art normally copies life (or is it vice verse) I tried to put them into perspective.

What if the Internet or World Wide Web actually turns out to be Sky Net, like in the Terminator? With all the information that is out there and with all systems trying to be tied together, isn't it possible? Would it be so  far fetched for someone to hack into our defense system, or another country's and start a war? Pretty scary, but it could happen.

The Matrix is a little more far fetched, with humans living in a dream state, while their bodies are used as an energy force for the machines. However, with humans obsessed with the desire to maintain their fragile physical bodies, it is a  possibility that man could go to far and lose control. Both of these movies relinquish the role of spirituality or God. The Matrix at least looks at the idea of fate, destiny, and miracles.

Who knows, someone could be hacking and spying on me right now. I have no doubt.  Most futuristic movies paint a grim picture, but I hope the end more like the Rocky movies, where the underdog comes through.

Charity Begins From Home

Each year I contribute what I feel to be a reasonable amount of money to several charities. Some are easy to and painless, such as Metro united Way and The Funds for the Arts, which I support through payroll deductions. I have been supporting these worthy causes over a number of years, and each year there is a drive and a sign up period to continue.

 Outside of these I would venture to say that off and on I contribute to at least twenty others yearly on a regular bases. There are some rules that I have come to implement recently, due to the way charities operate. For one thing I will no longer pledge funds over the telephone. Until I had my residential phone line removed these were almost 80 percent of the calls I was receiving. While I was able to block the telemarketers, this guys were relentless. Many of them called and asked for me by name, as if we were close friends. Since I usually also received a mail request from the same people I defriended them.

Some organizations have begun sending me money. Maybe three nickels, pennies, or a dime. They usually come with a letter letting me know how much this change can do for someone, and I believe they are trying to shame me into sending them back with a donation. To those charities I normally send my one or twice a year donation, and keep all the change that comes my way. I figure if they have enough change to send to everyone on their donors list they won't miss it. In other words, don't ask me for help and then send me money while doing it.

Then there are those charities that once you send them a donation are kind enough to send you a receipt, a letter of thank you, and by the way "can you send us an additional contribution." I know contributions to charitable causes are down, but squeezing your regular contributors in this way is a little hard to swallow. It is also puzzling to me, who has watched Jerry Lewis' Telethon since I was a little kid and it was in black & white, why we haven't been able to find a cure for Jerry's kids. MS is a terrible disease and I know there have been advances, but surely we could have done better.

Simplicity

At church this Sunday my pastor, Rev. Cosby, gave a sermon on "The Power of Simplicity".He said that "simplicity is the art of boiling things down to the essence. Finding out what is important and eliminating and downsizing everything else.  Christianity is simple.. Love God and love other people. 

Thinking about what goes on around me illustrates both concepts all the time. I remember always telling my daughters that life is tough and then we make it tougher. They thought I was just being hard on them, but now they know that it is each of us that make our lives more complex.

For example, when you ask most men about buying underwear, they normally will think of two issues...boxers or briefs? Women on the other hand may have a whole list of things to consider, which i won't elaborate on. I asked my wife for a simple dinner, maybe hot dogs and baked beans. This became pretty complicated for her, as she had to decide on what kind of hot dogs ( I ended up with a spicy chicken frank) , what kind of beans would be different from just plain old baked beans and still do the job ( I don't know what they were ), and should we have some type of green salad, potato salad, or cole slaw to go with it. And don't forget to make the ice tea.

Many people just get too involved. If I'm thirsty I'll ask for a glass of water. I don't need to discuss whether we need a new refrigerator with water & ice on the door, or a filtration system for the tap, or all the chemicals that are in the water these days.

While I come from humble beginnings and consider myself a simple man I don't consider myself a shallow individual. There is some depth here and I believe I can hold a reasonable discussion with most people. However, I am not really interested in a lot of the unimportant (at least as it pertains to me) stuff that is going on with others. Just give me the essence and not the soap opera version. The best way to keep your life simple is to simply stay out of other peoples drama.

The Telephone Booth

When I was growing up there was an inherent role of privacy that most people observed. If a person was on the phone they would normally talk in an isolated area to maintain a sense of privacy and also not to disturb others. Even public phones were enclosed in booths (remember Superman doing his changes?). Inside of buildings and outside on the street making a phone call was a private experience. After all you didn't want everyone hearing your conversation.Even at home people understood that people should be allowed to talk on the phone without all ears listening. 

However, we have evolved and now there are no phone booths, no public phones, and even home phones are becoming obsolete. Now there is nowhere I can go to escape being exposed to other conversations. The cell phone has now become the way to be connected, anywhere, anytime, and almost anyplace. I have been exposed to personal conversations in airports, stores, at work, even in public restrooms. Most people who have a cell phone will talk on it anywhere and not really care who hears them. Whether its business or personal in many cases doesn't make a difference. Most of these people also have to talk loud to ensure that the people on the other end can hear them.Those that do care will at least text instead. I guess my need for my private space is not as important as any of these calls and I could ask them to take it somewhere else... but there aren't any private booths available.

Fathers Day

Last weekend was Fathers Day. Unlike the monumental occasion of Mothers Day, this holiday usually comes and goes like a thief in the night. There aren't many Fathers Day Sales, the mailman is not over burdened with cards, and you can still get reservations at some of the best restaurants. I like Fathers Day, as well as having been a father. I'm proud to say that all my children called me to wish me a happy Fathers Day. I received cards from two, and my youngest even took me out to breakfast. As a father I am proud to have fulled my duties, which were to keep the boys off the pipe, and the girls off the pole. I think I set a fairly good example for them, particularly in the area of being there for others, nothing comes without work,  and that money is a lousy way of keeping score with people. I love them all and hope that even after what we have all been through together, they love me. After all someday they may be rich, or famous, are on TV and say "Hi Mom." 

Dinner Request

On some occasions, like my birthday or fathers day, my lovely wife will make a special meal for me. She normally ask me " what would you like for dinner?". This is a trick question though. She knows that I normally will want things I had growing up and are no longer good for me. Things like fried chicken, rice and gravy, pork chops, etc. So when I answered this week with liver and onions, I was only being half frustrating. Yes I did ask for the white rice, which we had to go to the store to buy, but since it was my day I got my wish.

 Where I messed up was when I was asked what vegetables I wanted. I didn't have a clue, and really all I  wanted was the liver and onions, with rice and gravy. I tried to be humorous and said onions, which didn't go over well. I saw the frustration cloud appear over my wife's face and knew that she was really annoyed with the fact that she was trying to keep me alive and do something nice at the same time, and I just wasn't cooperating. She ended up picking up some greens ( with a name I had never heard of ) and some yellow and green squash. Mission complete and after a trip to Macy's she was back into a loving mood and dinner was excellent.

The Guessing Game

Being a simple man and I believe a pretty good communicator, it never ceases to amaze me the guessing game that women play with men. All men have heard those fateful words..."guess who I saw today?" or "guess what happened to me today?". As a man I really don't want to guess. I doubt very seriously if I can get it right on the first try, and I usually don't. The second thought that comes to mind is whether are not this is going to be a bad or a good thing for me. Even though I know I haven't done anything wrong ( at least today) that I can think of, that doesn't mean that this will not end up badly for me.

Wouldn't it be nice to just tell us who you saw or what happened, and let us pick up from there? Men, who will sometimes answer with their gut instincts, are not very good at guessing games. Then there is the age old favorite, when you as you significant other "what's wrong?" and the response come back "can't you guess?". This really means "don't you know me well enough to know?". In most cases I really do, but I  dare not say it. In the meantime I will continue to work on my mind reading skills. Once I have exhausted my guesses I will admit my inability and prepare myself to be schooled.

Mistaken Identity

Have you ever heard the phase "you look just like _________" I seem to be hearing it more and more these days because I have a striking resemblance to the police chief here in Louisville, Chief White. Today I was filling up my tank a gentleman and his wife stared at me and said "Chief?" I answered with what has become my normal response.."No, I just look like him". They in turn responded with the typical response ... "I guess you get asked that alot?

What is curious is that I have been living in the city twice as long as Chief White, who was hired in after a national search. So in reality people should be asking the Chief if he is me. I cannot confirm that this is not happening , but I find it very unlikely. As with most people who look like celebrities, no matter who is older, have a better build, or brighter smile, it is always the person  with the press who "you" look like and not vice versa.

Now, looking like the police chief could have its advantages. However, I haven't been able  to use them as yet. From the Chief's perspective this could have some downside. On several occasions my wife and I have been out to dinner or a movie and found people staring. Could it be that they thought I was the Chief? If so, what kind of thought where going through their mind if they know what his wife looks like, or actually asked the Chief what he was doing on a certain day and the stories don't match. Mistaken identity can have a strange consequences.

Last summer the Chief and I were paired together in a Bid Wist tournament that we won. Everyone swore that we were related and had some signals from playing together for years. This was completely false as it was the first time I had ever played cards with the Chief. I have also been asked "do you know you look like Steve Harvey?" This has been coming from white people more than blacks, and more so after Steve was on Dr. Phil and started hosting Family Feud.

Anyway, I always wondered what kind of advantages I would have had if people said.."you look just like Denzel Washington". Not the Denzel from St. Elsewhere but the  Denzel of Training Day.  King Kong ain't got nothing on me!!!!!!!!

Context

Communication is critical for successful relationships. One of the most important parts of  communication that you don't hear alot about is context. The context in which things are seen or said are critical and I have seen many an argument and even relationships destroyed because of things taken out of context. A harmless hug, look, greeting or phone call when taken out of context can take on a life of its own. Always check for the context in which things are said before leaping to conclusions. Try to get a handle of what kind of day a person may be having and also what kind of day you are having.

Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

Recently my paster,  Dr Kevin W Cosby, of St Stephen Church, preached a sermon about how to deal with life's crazy makers. Dr. Cosby is the best preacher I have ever been fortunate to hear preach and he constantly strengthens my faith in God and the knowledge that I am saved by grace alone.

As he preached about being foolish and allowing yourself to be bewitched the line in the song,for which I do not know the name, floated through my mind, along with the many experiences in my life. Had I been charmed,  mesmerized, and fascinated by  another person through flattery, false promises or misleading information? Sure I had. The key thing that we should all know is that people will say they love you but they can be using you. The way to tell is take away whatever you are providing to the other person and see how it affects the relationship. If things change they were probably using you.

Air

Yesterday I looked at the tire on my car and noticed that it was low. With gas prices up to $4 a gallon a I knew that proper tire air pressure is essential for better mpg, so I decided to stop at the gas station ( I mean convenience store with gas, since there are very few gas stations anymore) to get some air. I was amazed to find the air hose attached to a unit that said $1, insert all quarters. I couldn't believe that now you had to pay to get air. Had things gotten that bad? How much air would I get for a dollar? Could I do all four tires? 

I looked in my pocket and car and  could only come up with two quarters, so I went on a journey for free air. After stopping at two other  convenience store the best I could find was $.75 for air. Rather than spending $2 in gas driving around I went home. The next day as I went pass the convenience store I saw an amazing thing. A woman pulled up to the air hose, got out and pushed a button on the speaker and then was able too get air. I followed her lead and sure enough the clerk came on the speaker and said she would turn on the air for me. So air is still free in some places, you just have to ask. I wonder how many people are fooled like me? Maybe nobody. I really didn't want anything for myself except a little air.

Temperature Control

Let's have a little talk about temperature control, particularly as it relates to you and your significant other. First keep in mind that neither of you will ever be at the same temperature in any place at any time. If you are hot she will probably be cold and vice versa. Also extremes are not looked upon in the same way. What you might consider as a reasonable decline or increase in temperature may result in the following " I'm freezing" or "I'm burning up" from your mate. I know women are wired differently from men and are subject to the infamous hot flash, therefore I must make allowances for these.

Now, if you are in the car be sure to have ventilation which can be controlled independently for both driver and passenger. This is a must. You must be able to endure blasts of cold air conditioning or intense heat depending both on the temperature inside and outside of the vehicle. Remain calm and look to casually adjust your vents to reduce sweating and frost bite.

Remember that the thermostat in the home should belong to the woman of the house. If you are not aware of this you will be bombarded with a constant chatter about either making adjustments. It is very seldom on the proper setting for comfortable living. I some cases for example the air conditioning will be turned up on a relatively hot day, only to have you come home to find you mate wrapped up in a blanket on the couch.

This is also the case for the bedroom and the infamous cover tug of war. Once you are in the bed it begins. First the sheets are cold. Then you warm them up and after a few moments it becomes unbearably hot, so they are tossed off and the ceiling fan turned on.  However, later in the evening, a cold wave moves in and the covers slowly inch their way off of you onto her side of the bed. Knowing this ritual is coming allows all loving mates to plan for their cuddling and extra curricular activities in a reasonable manner. ;-)

Real Relationships

Real relationships are hard to find and even harder to keep. Once you think you have one, you become a little arrogant and then complacency sets in. That is when things start to fail because relationships are hard work. It is true that men and women are wired differently. Men love with their eyes while women love with their ears. Men are visual and therefore it is important that women maintain whatever atracked them in the first place, or their eyes will wander. Women on the other had want conversation, so whatever smooth lines you used to win her over, you better be able to keep it up. Place yourself into listening mode without judging or trying to always come up with the answer, and you will have a much more meaningful relationship. Since men are competitive by nature, always keep in mind and follow this rule....Sometimes it is better to be happy than right.  You have to keep up the compliments, affection and loving to make sure that you don't move down to being a lecturer or abuser. Just like with money, once you can recognize the real thing in a relationship, you will have no trouble recognizing the counterfeit.

Intuition

While I believe in woman's intuition it must be a terrible burden. My wife has the ability to just look at an individual, whether in the mall, driving their car, in church, or on TV and in a few moments can come up with a complete briefing on what type of person they are, how they were raised, and any bad habits they may have such as drinking, drugs, or poor taste in clothing. Not to say that some of these assumption could be correct but having this power on all the time must be exhausting. Imagine all the people we run into in a super market, at the movies, restaurants, and the list goes on and on.  Fortunately for her I am available to hear all the analysis so that her efforts will not be in vain. I know you want to smile......

Laundry

As the middle child in a household that contained no female siblings I have a great deal of experience with the finer aspects of house cleaning. It was a ritual to clean the house on Saturday's before any outdoor or play time could even be contemplated. My mother also was a nurses aid and at one point a dental assistant. What this meant to me was that as soon as I could be trusted , probably after age 10, I was expected to wash and iron those white nurses uniforms that she wore. These had to be done correctly, with the appropriate amount of bleach in the washing machine. At this time in my life we were still hanging clothes out on the line to dry. The iron didn't have an automatic spray setting and starch had to be sprayed on from the can. It took a major amount of skill and effort to get these uniforms crisp without any wrinkles and ready for moma to wear. As a boy I mastered this art.

I say all this to let you know that if you are married you will be restricted to only washing your dirty clothes, and even for that you will receive instructions from your loving wife. It is without question that if you try to wash a load of you and your wife's things that you will shrink, fade, or wash something in the incorrect cycle or temperature. I have learned to not take this personally or as an insult to my intelligence. It is just one of the laws of nature.

I have found I can put as many dirty things down the laundry shoot as i want as long as I am willing to wash, dry, iron and put away my things. I have found out that this system is not followed consistently by my wife who may get it washed but not dryed for awhile. Once it is dryed they may not get folded, ironed, or put away for a few days.  I am more than willing to even help out and iron some of her things when she is not watching.(By the way I know I get bonus points for doing this).  

Driving Miss Donna

Sometimes I like to take a drive in the car by myself. I can turn on the radio to the oldies station, listen to a Charlie Wilson CD, or even one of my old casettes (yes I still have a casette player in my car). Most of the time i am either driving or riding with my wife Donna. This is an experience in an of itself as my wife has a tendancy to talk to all the other drivers. So even though they cannot hear her, it feels as if she is talking to me. I am also the receipant of a variety of societal questions regarding their behavior. For example, if a person in front of us is driving too slow or somewhat over the line, I am informed that they are either texting or have been drinking. All semi truck drivers are tired, no matter what time of day it is, and the potential for them to come into our lane is always eminent. Comments such as "Oh, you wanted to turn?" or "Don't even think about it. I was next at the stop sign" provide for an ongoing commentary during our trips. Since some of these drives can get boring these things ,"watch out for the pothole", keep it interesting until we can come up with meaningful things to talk about.

Loans

It has come to my attention that as the head of the family there are certain words that do not exist in the vocabulary. One of those words or phrases is "lend me". While it is used often by members of the family it really is "give me" in code. I would never think of lending my wife any money. After all, all the money that I have is already hers. I probably can get some return on investment for my older son and daughter, however the others may be a lost cause. I don't think they know that I just tease them about this for fun. I am blessed to be able to help them whenever I can. Seing them be able to get what they need or want helps me get all that I need.

Eating with the food critic

Having a meal with my wife is always an experience.

 My wife comes from a family of chefs. Her mother was a gourmet chef in her day catering to some of the high society white families in Louisville. She comes from a family of four sisters, no brothers, who all like to and can cook. Her youngest sister is currently a chef in New Orleans, and has had her own restaurant in a couple of different locations here in town. While one of her other sisters has been a bakery chef around various restaurants in town. My wife and her mother have recently operated their own bakery and cafe, The Dessert Gallery, where they made homemade desserts from scratch as well as unique soups and sandwiches.

Therefore going out to eat as calls for critiqing. My wife could no more enjoy a meal without this activity than I could enjoy drinking Kool Aid without sugar. No one is immune including the chef, the waitress/waiter, or the manager. She will not be denied what she wants and expects and is willing to let everyone know.

Of course this is difficult for a man like me who was raised on most of things that people say are now bad for you and fried foods were a way of life. Long gone are meals of fried chicken, fried fish, fried cabbage or anything else. A simple breakfast of eggs over easy, a multi grain pancake, and bacon can be quite adventurous. The white of the egg must be thoroughly cooked, the pancake must be hot enough to melt the butter when it arrives at the table, and the bacon must be crispy but not burnt.

Usually the critic has it her way as they say at Burger King and she should. I love her because she is strong enough to stand up for what she expects she should get for the money she, or her husband, pays.I don't really want anything for myself but a good meal, but I always want my wife to be happy.

My Birthday

Well today was my birthday. I wasn't looking to do anything but lay back and relax. But my years of experience told me that that woud not be the case. Two of my grand daughters MaKayla (13) and Makenna (8) had come to spend the weekend with their pawpaw. After spending an evening of watching NCAA basketball we all settled in for the night.

 After sleeping-in late into the morning 9:30 a.m. I arose to get my morning cup of caffee and read the paper. I was greeted by two birthday cards from my beautiful wife and the girls. After my wife came down to the kitchen I was treated to a breakfast of eggs, toast, and grits. So far so good.  I then recieved a phone call from my brother and mother both wishing me a happy birthday. We all were entertained by the fact that I had made it this far.

Now the fun begins. I need to make a trip to Walgreens. So I am accompanied by Makenna. She is very sharp and knows that any trips out of the house could lead to her getting soemthing either to eat or play with. At Walgreen after I hve obtained the selected items the search begins in the toy aisle for her items. I finally am able to reduce her wish list down and escape with only the purchase of a bag of balloons  for which animals can be made, a can of Pringles, and three dvds from the Red Box.

Upon our return everyone is moving about and I am informd that our youngest daughter and family want to take u out for dinner. I am requested to come up with a restaurant I would like to have dinner at. Of course I now must consider a family establishment because there will be four adults and four children ranging in age from 13 to 1 years old. Since I really don't want anything for myself I continue to avoid this topic and indicate that anywhwere will be fine.

Since it is my birthday people feel obligated to do something with me. Our oldest daughter now shows up to wish me happy birthday and provides me with a $40 gift card to the Cinemark movies. A thoughtful gift. She stays briefly with her 2 year son Sam and then depart for a lovely day by themselves. Since we have the girls it now becomes apparent that a trip the to movies is in order. Now what would I like to see. Maybe  an action movie like Battle for LA but with the kids, and because I don't want anything for myself, we venture off to see Rango.

At the theater we spend the entire $40 gift card and an additional $14 to ensure that everyone has popcorn and a drink. After the movie, my wife informs me that see has some Kohl's cash which is about to expire. Maybe we should stop in case there might be a shirt or something I want for my birthday. Of course this is not in my plans, since I don't want anything for myself, but I know it will make her happy.

Once again Makenna and MaKayla see this as a great chance to perhaps pick up a few things. My wife immediately sees that MaKayla's jacket is too small and also sees the 60% of rack. So we get a jacket for her. Makenna, who has now found a small shopping cart decides to take me with her as she informs me that she knows where her items are located. She pickes out several tops and another piece, which I don't know how to describe. We then meet up with the others in our party and head for the checkout with several items which my wife feels are needed. About this time they ask me don't I want anything, particularly sine granny is buying. Little do they know that granny and my money are the same and it still would be me buying my own gift which I really don't need right now.

It is now getting colder and we head home. Makayla is blowing up balloons in the back seat which are bursting and all is well. At home at last, after missing the Division II championship basketball game I prepare to watch the first of two NCAA sweet sixteen games on TV. But the call comes in and the decision has been made to go to Famous Dave's for dinner. Oh goody. So we pack up and head out to meet my up with our daughter at the restaurant. Since this is a Saturday evening now, Famous Dave's is packed. We are told the wait will be close to an hour. We sit in the outer seating area in th cold waiting for the rest of our party. Finally our turn comes and we are seated. Rae and her family arrive about at the time we are seated.

All is good as we feast on ribs, chicken, corn and other savory items. After dinner we hit the road for home again and low and behold it is snowing in March. I seem to remember that it was 80 degrees last week. After reaching home, and only having to say stop six time during the ride, it is time to settle in for the night. Luckily I DVR'd the late game and was able to watch the entire UConn vs Arizona game. UConn wins the game. It is now time for my wife to wash MaKayla hair so that we can be presentable for church tomorrow.

I try to hide in my office for a brief period of alone time but even as I am writting this Makenna is here with me asking me what I am doing and why, how to use the ab roller, and saying "pawpaw watch this, watch this, watch this"  I really love her!!!!!